Welcome back to the Three Delivery Forum!
We're glad to see you again!

Please log in or register with us to continue.

Trials of the Demon Wolf ch. 1

Go down

Trials of the Demon Wolf ch. 1

Post by WolfieStar on 30th July 2010, 4:40 pm

---blarg violence XD this is the most your gonna get. Personally, I don't think it's bad. Just descriptive XD
---I'm gonna try to include hinting for nearly every couple here XD in this chapter, I included Tobko and Synn. Apparently Thalia loves me now.
---If you don't want me to use your couple/character tell me.
---Blarg this is short, I got tired of it. Hopefully other chapters will be longer.

Chapter 1

“Come.” Kong Li beckoned me with his staff. Slowly I nodded and followed him. With my thin frame from lack of food, the black clothes Kong Li gave me were falling off my body slightly. I hope I would get some food soon, or else I would blow away in the wind like a fallen leaf.

“When can I eat?” I asked weakly, my head starting to spin. Why was I so tipsy? I hope I’m not getting sick. That’s the last thing I need right now.

“After you learn about your enemies.” he smiled at me in an odd way which made my skin crawl. “Go watch them and observe their every move.”

“Isn’t that stalking?” I stifled a laugh. Watching strangers every move wasn’t really my calling, so to say.

Kong Li hesitated, then shook his head. “No, it’s not stalking. It‘s simply, observing the enemy.”

“Which is stalking.” I pointed out, a sly grin on my face.

“Just go!” he roared suddenly, making me yelp and running. But I stopped and glanced at him.

“Um, where do I go exactly?”

Kong Li sighed, and touched his forehead angrily glaring at the ground. “Wu’s Garden, do you think you can handle that?”

“Yep, I look in their garbage all the time for food. The pickings isn’t half bad.”

“Whatever, just go!”

“Ok, ok cool it old man.” I lifted my hands up and smirked at him. He gave me a sharp glare with his ice blue eyes. I simply shrugged, then started jogging slowly towards the direction of the old restaurant. I knew the place well, the owner threw out a lot of food, so I went there sometimes. But I’ve stopped after a while when a boy in a muscle shirt and a red cap started screaming at me and hitting me with a broom. Sometimes I just wanna bite him, I bet he eats at least once a day . . .

The restaurant came into sight, and I smirked inside. Perfect. Still, I wondered, what did he want me to get? And who was I going against? Was it really worth it? My growling stomach answered the question of worth. What was the big deal about some stupid artifact? Oh whatever . . .

“Tobey!” I froze when I heard a girl screech angrily. Frantically, I searched for a hiding place, then lunged behind a dumpster. I nearly gagged at the smell of rotting dumpsters, but at least it hid me well.

“My phone!” the girl cried again. “I can’t believe you broke it!”

Slowly, I peek out from the dumpster, and saw a girl in a red shirt steaming at a boy with a blue shirt. He had a steak of white in his head, and it peek out from under his helmet. They looked about my age, maybe a year younger maybe. He looked scared, and a small girl that look about seven was laughing her head off. Bags of food were on the bikes, making my mouth water.

“Tyko!” the boy snapped angrily, but she continued laughing. The girl in the red shirt was so angry her face was beat red, and I thought that steam would roll out of her ears.

“You’re buying me a new one!” she roared, then got on her bike and road away. The boy sighed, while the small girl, I think her name was Tyko, finally stopped laughing when she saw the bags of food.

“Now we have to do her deliveries! Good going Tobey, why did you have to destroy Sue‘s phone?!” Tyko grumbled angrily before taking the bags and holding them securely in her hands, not on a bike oddly, but on roller blades. She gave the boy an icy glare before riding off.

The boy, so called Tobey, just made a face and grabbed the rest of the bags. He rode off in the opposite direction that Tyko went, leaving me alone in the street.

Blinking, I cautiously stepped into the glare of the restaurant sign. I peered inside, and saw a boy with a black shirt and raven hair mopping up the floor, and a girl with red hair and green eyes like mine cleaning the tables behind him. They were the same age as the others I saw before. The boy was humming a tune on his iPod, and accidentally bumped into her. She gave a small yelp, and glanced at the boy. He blinked, his face a small shade of pink, then immediately went back to mopping the floor, whistling. The girl was blushing, and it took her a few heartbeats for her to get back to working.

The event was quite funny actually, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Shaking my head, I lifted my nose and sniffed. Being a demon wasn’t completely crappy, my senses were extremely heightened and sensitive. There was a garden in the back, I could smell the flowers and grass, and the scent that people are there often.

A garden behind a restaurant? It seems a bit off if you ask me. But oh well, if I can get this artifact - or what ever this dude wants - and get a meal, I’m very fine with it. I’m not complaining.

Checking that everything was clear, magic surrounded me again, and I became a wolf. My fur hug loosely around my body, not making me look as thin as I really was. At the moment I didn’t care, so I darted around the block, and ran to the garden. My bones ached from malnutrition, but for some reason something pushed me on.

When I reached what looked to be round gates, I started walking in, but something stopped me. Beautiful melodic singing. I blinked, then slowly forced the door open with my muzzle. I’m surprised that it wasn’t locked, but at the moment I didn’t care. I wanted to know where that wonderful sound was coming from.

There was that girl again! The girl in the red shirt who was screaming at the other two - Tyko and Tobey was it? - was singing softly and looking at the pond. I remembered Tyko saying her name, I think it was Sue. Yeah, Sue.

Sue blinked, then sighed heavily. From her red and swollen eyes, I knew that she was crying. But crying over what? A broken phone - what ever that was - isn’t worth crying over. Toughen up!

Sue stood up, muttering, “I was so stupid, I shouldn’t have overreacted . . .” over and over as she approached a large stone. She placed her hand on a wooden piece of the stone. Tears ran down her face as she started pressing against in and turning it in odd directions. Finally, a hole in the stone opened up, showing a book.

I blinked and gasped slightly, and took a few cautious steps. My wings folded back so they wouldn’t rub against the brick wall, or so Sue wouldn’t see them. A book? Why would a stupid book need to be hidden so well? Maybe that was the artifact!

Sue held the book close to her chest, now sitting back on the stone bench. She rocked slightly, then sighed loudly. She opened her eyes looking down at the pond, watching the koi swim, and man did they look good . . .

Sue opened the book, and started slowly, carefully, flipping through the pages. She was mouthing words, numbers maybe? Why would she be counting pages?

Sue sighed and leaned back a bit. “The cookbook is almost filled. Even so, that’ll be more of a reason to protect it from Kong Li, and whatever monsters he has crawling around.”

My eyes snapped open, and my lips curled up in a snarl. She had the cookbook! The artifact Kong Li wanted! And Kong Li was gonna get it, if it meant getting food.

Slowly, I lowered my body into a crouch. Like I was stalking a mouse, soon to be my prey, Sue and the cookbook were my prey. And I always get my prey.

I cursed when I stepped on a twig and Sue’s head snapped up and she looked at me. I was out in the open, nothing to cover me. She blinked, and I blinked back. For a few precious moments, we were just staring into each other’s eyes, blinking every few seconds.

She suddenly jumped up and screamed, “there’s a demon in the garden! Help! It may be Kong Li‘s!”

Seeing that now was my only chance, I lunged at her. I roared loudly, then sank my claws into her stomach, then slashed her whole stomach and abdomen. The book fell from her hands, and I grabbed it with my teeth and got ready to dart out of the garden, but something stopped me.

“Mei Mei!” the boy from before who had bumped into the red headed girl, who was strangely following him, was running towards Sue. Surprisingly, she was still standing, the blood pulsing out of her wound. She glanced at me, a look of sadness and desperation in her eyes. Her eyes were glazed over with tears of pain. She wanted to scream to the heavens, but didn’t oddly. She then leaned on her knees, hiding the claw marks from view.

“Sid, look!” the girl whispered, pointing at me. Sid didn’t even glance at me, he was focusing on Sue. He shook her gently, whispering her name.

“Sue, please answer me!” he begged. “What’s wrong?!”

Sue only uttered a disturbing noise, a mix of a gurgle and a cough, her whole body shaking. Blood was dripping out of her mouth, how I didn’t know; those body parts must be connected somehow.

“Brynn!” he looked desperately at the red head. “Go get Nana!”

Brynn blinked, remembering where she was and the importance of the situation, but she looked at Sid and said, “But the demon!”

“Sue’s hurt, and I don’t know where! Go get her!” he snarled, looking intimidating. She nodded quickly, and sprinted inside. Sid was trying to calm Sue down, do anything to stop the noises she was making and the blood oozing out of her mouth.

“Sue, please,” he begged, “at least show me where you hurt.”

Much to his surprise, she reacted. She looked at him, her eyes heavy and weak, then she forced herself to stand straight. More blood was coming out of her body, making a puddle by her feet. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed at his feet. Sid screamed, and tried stopping the bleeding, begging her to hang on.

I blinked, seeing what I had caused. I couldn’t go back to Kong Li knowing how much pain I gave to them. Thinking clearly now, I gently laid the book down, splattered with drops of Sue’s blood. I looked at her, limp and lifeless at the boy’s feet. From his fear and worry over her, I suspected they were kin - brother and sister. It made sense, they looked so much like each other.

“I’ll make everything better . . .” I whispered as people starting running out of the buidling. An old woman, Tyko and Tobey from before, Brynn, and other people I didn’t know. I knew now that I had to get out of here. But I knew I would visit her, I thought as I ran out of the garden.

I would set things right again.

To Be Continued.

Posts : 626
Join date : 2010-05-07

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Trials of the Demon Wolf ch. 1

Post by Chezberryz456 on 30th July 2010, 5:01 pm

OMG!!!!!!!!! That was amazing!!!! I loved Gary's reaction to what he did to Sue. It's easy to see now why Sid hates Gary. Yeah, this chapter was really good! I loved the description you included. Can't wait for the next!

Posts : 125
Join date : 2010-06-12
Age : 21
Location : In the county of Green ~ Norfolk

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Trials of the Demon Wolf ch. 1

Post by ThaliaAnderson on 30th July 2010, 9:01 pm

This is longer and more thought-out than any chapters I've ever written. For anything. XD

You're really good at writing descriptions, and especially writing from Gary's point of view. The reader can look into his thoughts and understand that he doesn't really know what certain things are (like when Sue starts bleeding from the mouth and he wonders about the parts being connected).

There's one thing you should look out for, and that's point of view. The story is obviously written in past tense, like somebody relaying a story. "...I whispered as people started running out of the buildiing." But, you often use words in present tense, mostly in Gary's thoughts between actions. "It seems a bit off if you ask me. But oh well, if I can get this artifact - or what ever this dude wants - and get a meal, I’m very fine with it. I’m not complaining." Even Gary's thoughts need to be written in past tense, so as not to confuse the reader. "It seemed a bit off, if you asked me. But if I could get this artificat..."

I can't wait to read the next chapter. (:


I know I'm good for something; I just haven't figured it out yet.

My youtube and my tumblr.

Posts : 714
Join date : 2010-03-21
Age : 23
Location : Oregon

View user profile https://www.youtube.com/user/leecrew82

Back to top Go down

Re: Trials of the Demon Wolf ch. 1

Post by Sponsored content

Sponsored content

Back to top Go down

Back to top

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum