Who is Calvin's father... REALLY?

Anybody else have really obscure theories about this? Because I know Alix and I are hung up on one in particular... The fandom fails to tell us who is Nana's husband [be he dead or otherwise...] and how Calvin ended up on earth. AKA, who helped to birth Calvin? [really awkward phrasing, but I couldn't think of another way to say it. XD]

So... we believe that Kong Li is Calvin's daddy. And that Kong Li must have had two wives. Because after he went all psycho, Mei Hua divorced him and escaped with her son. Then, Kong Li being heartbroken over the loss of his love, went to an online dating site and pretended to be a really cool, young, rich dude [because girls love cool, young, rich dudes] and, with the help of eHarmony, met the [second] love of his life.

Whose name is Mary Ellen.
...Because I said so.

So, after meeting in person, Mary Ellen decided that since she obviously loved the pixelated Kong Li so much, it shouldn't matter that he's an old fart [if he's still rich and cool], so they get married. Years and years [and I do mean years] afterwards, they decide to have a baby boy. A son, which Kong Li wants to destroy [internally] and raise to be his personal minion in his take-over-Chinatown plot.

Of course, Mary Ellen objected to this [she wanted her son to be a lawyer] and refused to be with Kong Li. Instead, she gave her son up to an orphanage [because Kong Li didn't think to check the probably ONLY orphanage in Chinatown...], where Kong Li sent Mary Ellen through a swirling vortex of pain and horror. And doom.

This is the point in the story where Mary Ellen decided that he wasn't cool anymore.
BUT she stayed with him because he was still rich.

WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT MARY ELLEN...
...is that because Mary Ellen is apparently a golddigger, she was cheating on Kong Li this entire time with another man.

WHOSE NAME IS CALVIN.
*gaaaaasp*

Kong Li, being totally oblivious and unobservant to everything around him [except the cookbook that is], didn't notice when his wife suddenly got very very fat and checked herself into a hospital for three days.

THUS CONCLUDES THIS TALE.

Sooooo... what are we left to assume? That Mr. Wu and Tobey are half-brothers? That Barney and Tobey are also half-brother, while at the same time being uncle and nephew?!

And... what are your guys' theories? =]

I AM ACTUALLY PLANING A STORY ON THIS!!! lawl I know it will likely suck.

I belive your theroy more than mine, so here's my un humorous one:

Nana met a man in her dojo thing where she trained after getting over the loss of Kong Li (i imagine that he tried to steal the cookbook at 18 xD) after stealing the cookbook.

She met a man named Juang Yong, they fell in love, yadda yadda yadda....

they divorce WHILE Nana is pregnant with CALVIN, he saying women shouldn't fight Kung Fu, yadda yadda yadda....

he leaves her.

Calvin's born never meeting his daddy

He falls in love with random women (havent thought of her yet)

she gives birth to Barney, leaves Calvin cause he isn't romantic yet

he falls into depression and gets fat

years later, Juang Yong returns to Mei Hua, apoligizing.

She's steaming mad

ya know, usual stuff.

Hahah, your theory makes more sense than mine. X)

See, I stayed up reaaaaally late last night, and so... lack of sleep. XD It results in this, hahah.

Yeah, but your's is more interesting and amusing. xD You should so make a one shot of this!

I always stay up late, thank GOD for summer!

WolfieStar wrote:Yeah, but your's is more interesting and amusing. xD You should so make a one shot of this!

Oh geez. XD It would end up being like, one of those weird soap operas they have on in the middle of the day! It would be fun though. XD If my inspiration for ThreeD-related writing comes back *stabs Mortal Instruments for stealing my muse*, then I will definitely do that!

xD yeah my motivation faded, but it's back now! I've been spamming the fan fiction part of this site. xD

I just read your theory. Interesting....I LIKE IT. XD

Geez. You guy's will be the death of me. Omg! I love everyone's theories! They're awesome! I haven't thought of one yet...