A Glimpse inside Jake Caunine's mind

The pain surged through my heart as I watched Sue lean in close to my cousin, pushing his messy red hair to the side and touch his lips with hers. He let out a low whimper and pulled her closer, holding her so tightly I thought he would never let go. Dark strands blending beautifully with the streaks of flames. It was like it was meant to be, that demon to actually find love. It was truly astonishing to me.

Why could my cousin find love and not me? It was so unfair. What did he have that I didn’t? He did almost kill her, but yet they love each other. Love is something I didn’t know too much about. Oh how much I desired love, to hold the one you love close to you and wish for an endless night.

I stood up from my lounging position on the Scholar stone. As I jumped off, I glanced at the button, and traced the areas I knew would open up if I pressed it correctly. Was it worth stealing? Likely not, these people gave me a home. Yet, Kong Li was like a father to me. He took me in when I nearly died after getting hit by a car. He accepted me for being a demon. It was all so confusing.

Amber suddenly came to mind. Did she love me for me? Did she even love me at all was the true question. I had thought I loved Vitani, but I was wrong, for feeling nothing when she left. Amber I felt completely different, but if she didn’t feel the same, then it isn’t worth it to have these emotions to her.

I felt so alone at Wu’s, yet I felt hollow with Kong Li. Everyone was afraid of me and referred to me as ‘the creeper’. It isn’t a pleasant title to be referred to. But, all I want is love, and it’s like I’m being punished for it.

“Jake!” a melodic voice called, running towards me. I turned around, and my heart flew to see Amber. Her beautiful eyes looked into mine, her smile brightened up my soul. She understood me.

“Amber.” I whispered, and I wondered what it would be like to hold her and love her. An emotion I wish I possessed.

Wow! Amazing. I think I just fell in love with Jake haha.

My favorite line "Oh how much I desired love, to hold the one you love close to you and wish for an endless night." It's so incredible, as always.

I know you know I read it, but I always have to pop in here and review anyways. XD

This is one of my favorite pieces by you. It seems like every time you write something, it just gets better than the last thing you wrote. It's just stunning--I envy that sort of improvement. (:

I hate to sound like a broken record, but you keep slipping into present-tense when you speak from the character's mind. XD You use 'isn't' when it should be 'wasn't' and just little things like that. I feel like if you could fix that in your writing, it'd flow so beautifuly. Right now, it confuses the reader a bit and throws them off from the flow and beauty of your writing and style.