[I Need a] New Name and Face

Dumping an old one shot on you.
Not at all in cooperation with FBF, so no worries. ^^

View From Heaven - Yellowcard

* * * * *

That night, right after dinner, I got right into my car, the same as I did every night. Everyone was used to my leaving. They knew that I wouldn’t be around to take care of the dishes or help clean up. They knew that I needed the time to myself.

I ate dinner. I used to spar with her. But now, I just couldn’t.

I piled into my Toyota truck and started the engine slowly; pulling away from Wu’s Garden, just as Mr. Wu switched the ‘open’ sign
to ‘closed’. I could almost feel him watching me. I didn’t care. I was beyond caring. I hit the gas and blasted off into the night.

I drove straight to her favorite spot. It was the spot that I took her the night that I told her. The night I told her how much I loved her. It was the second hardest night of my life. I shook those memories from my head and turned on the radio. Instantly, her favorite song blasted through the stereo system, causing me to smile, despite myself. I switched the song, and our cover of one of my songs pounded through my eardrums next. I listened carefully for her voice, hearing it above all the others. I grinned when her solo came. I had forced her to sing that. With help from Tyko, but still. I’m glad she had done it. It was practically the only thing that still made me smile.

I turned down the radio and listened to my own songs playing through my head. It seemed that everything I thought of reminded me of her. It was tearing me apart. Soon, I wouldn’t be able to stand it any longer.

I reached the moonlit spot under the big tree. The engine rumbled out and I stepped out of the truck, feeling the cool night breeze on my hot face. It had been… how many years? Four? Five? I still hadn’t been healed. Somehow, it wasn’t fair. I wanted so badly not to hurt anymore. But it was impossible. I would never get over her.

I laid under the tree where we had sat that last night. I closed my eyes slowly. I could almost hear her voice in my head. It was torture, but somehow, strangely comforting. If I had to spend the rest of my life with one voice in my head, I wanted it to be hers. I wish I had had one more day with her. Just one. To let her know how much I really loved her. I don’t think words could ever explain it. There was too much to say. Much too much. I could write a novel based on all the things I loved about her. I doubt anyone would read that novel, but I would. Every day.

I glanced up to the sky. Was she looking down on me? It had to be beautiful up there. Heaven was said to be a gorgeous place. Not anything like earth was for me. It wasn’t too great right now. It wasn’t fair. I was still in shock. She couldn’t be gone. Even after all these years, I still couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t help but think to myself how much I wanted to go with her. It would have been easy. I could have saved her. I could have. If she had let me. But she wouldn’t have had it. She told me her time was up. She told me she was ready. Ready to die. It broke my heart. She told me she loved me and she was gone.

I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye. No sooner was she in my arms, pleading to help her, then she wasn’t there anymore. I was lost. Where would I go without her? She would never come back. I think that’s what tore me apart most of all. I would never be able to tell her goodbye.

I hoped she knew I missed her. I hoped she knew I loved her. I hoped she knew I wanted her there with me. I couldn’t stand it without her.

My Brynn.
* * * * *

Fun fact: The same girl that sings in "How I Go" sings in this song, too. (: